Some Thoughts on a Sunday Evening

Number one: I suck. As I was writing this the first time a nice man came up to me and was talking to me and I apparently looked annoyed because he told my sister that he thought he struck a nerve. How's that for loving radically? I'm disgusted with myself. Please, no one be like me.
But onto what I was writing before my computer freaked out.

I am not so um...confident as to think anyone wants to read my thoughts, but I like to get them out somewhere so that I don't forget them and who knows, maybe someone likes or benefits from them. I don't know. But I put too much on Facebook as it is, so this is where they'll go. :)

First of all, at Ecclesia tonight I was reminded that when you love someone you are opening yourself up to be hurt. That's a part of the process of loving. That's why some people choose not to love. Personally, I freaking hate getting hurt. I start, like, obsessing over the past and the fact that I'm hurt. It's not a pretty picture and I don't enjoy one bit of it - just being honest. However, I would never give up on love completely just because I was afraid of getting hurt. That would suck. So I will love and get hurt and God will repair me and maybe one day I will stop being hurt so badly.
On that note though, I think I've been going about "love" in the wrong way. (I'm not talking radical love here, I'm talking the mushy gushy kind that I love so dearly:)) But here's the deal. I realized tonight in church (honestly, I'm not even sure what the central theme of the sermon was but my brain goes on these crazy tangents and I just roll with it) that God needs to be my all in all. GOD needs to be my everything. GOD needs to be the "wind in my sails" and the reason that I live. GOD needs to be all I need. GOD needs to complete me. Not some guy. I don't admit to myself or anyone else that I do this because I find it pathetic and contradictory to everything that I say I believe in, but I think that I often times want a boy to complete me. When God becomes my focus, when God is the reason that I live, when GOD completes me...then and only then will I be able to find a guy who can make me happy. He won't need to complete me- gosh, no human can do that! I can't expect a guy to waltz in and make my life worth living. Talk about a tall order.
But God can. He created me and He's lived with me and in me since then. He knows me better than I know myself - HE can make my life worth living. Then as an added bonus maybe He'll choose to bless my life with a guy who can love Jesus with me. And through Jesus love me. But we won't complete each other... Maybe I'm completely wrong with these thoughts but I don't know. I think I'm at least a little right at least lol. I'm right that God needs to be the reason that I live at least. He needs to be the center. No one can argue that. Or they can, but they'll be wrong so....

I'll leave you with an amazing line that we sang in church tonight by the fantastic Derek Webb and sung by this girl with the prettiest voice ever- I don't know her name but I certainly wish I did because I would force her to be my best friend and teach me everything she knows. But here's the lyric:
I've traded naked and unashamed
For a better place to hide
For a righteous mask, a suit of fig leaves and lies.

Then also these by some other guy, I'm not sure; but they're good:
Be the fire in my heart
Be the wind in these sails
Be the reason that I live, Jesus

Simple but oh, so true. :)

Easter!!

 Jesus showed his true love to us by going to the cross even though he was powerful enough to say no if he wanted to. All of his followers left him but he still went. Jesus' love for them did not depend on their love for him. He loved them simply because he loved them; and since he loved them (and everybody else) he went to the cross.
When the guards came to arrest Jesus in the garden, all of his disciples fled, but Mark 14:51-52 adds this, "And a certain young man followed with him, having a linen cloth cast about him, over his naked body: and they lay hold on him; but he left the linen cloth, and fled naked." Historically, people think that this young man was Mark. It's like he was taking the opportunity to confess to fleeing from Jesus too, instead of just talking about the disciples' mistakes. It's kind of random, but I just think that's really cool.
By the way, Jesus rose again so he is alive now. :)
Here's an awesome video to watch. It made me really proud to follow Jesus. And it gave me goosebumps :) Please check it out!
http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/

Living Simply

I went to a Gungor concert last night. Before the concert, there was a video promoting a cause that builds schools in Africa. It was cool and everything but one line stuck out to me in particular. It said, "Live simply so that others may simply live." I thought that was phrased really well. If only I'd thought of that lol. But it's true. If we just gave a little of what we had to the people around the world...it'd make a big difference.
During one of the main events at Passion conference, Louie Giglio asked us all to give just one dollar to a cause that sends Bibles to people who haven't ever read one before in other countries. We each gave one dollar (or some people gave a few more) but we ended up raising over $22,000 for the cause! That's a huge number. And that's just giving a dollar. If we actually cut back on frills and things and "lived simply" instead of just giving a dollar...wow. That could change the world. I'm not good at that yet. I like eating out. I like coffee shops. I like new clothes. I like going to Gungor concerts. However, I think it's important that I start living in moderation so that my money can be used for more important and lasting things.
"Live simply so that others can simply live."
Here's some Gungor to enjoy:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WybvhRu9KU

On a Big Scale

As this blog has stated before, I have been trying to work on more actively loving people- like consciously trying to live a life enveloped in love. Maybe this should not have to be a conscious thing; maybe if the Holy Spirit is in my heart and Jesus is guiding my life I should just naturally gravitate towards love. I do feel like this is the case on some level, but for me at least, I need to actually move loving to the forefront of my brain in order to do it in a bigger way.
I don't feel like my life has radically changed for the better since starting this blog, and that saddens me. I know it's a process and no one can be perfect, but I guess I was hoping for more change. Some people still annoy me; I still say certain things that I shouldn't; I still put my needs and wants first in virtually every situation. So what's the deal?
I don't know but I am going soak this in prayer and ask for help from God because I really do want his love to determine how I live my life.
Now to what I actually wanted to talk about: bigger issues. Since the Passion 2011 conference my eyes have been opened to the horrible conditions of people around the world and the complete comfort and wealth that we have in America. I used to be aware of these things but pass them off as big issues that were just always going to be there. "I want world hunger to end!" *rolls eyes* Ok Miss America...
But the fact is, horrible things are going on and they are not big broad issues. They are affecting individual lives and individual people, children of God are hurting- badly. So I did a speech a few weeks ago so that I could have incentive to find ways to help and I did! Here are a few websites to just get educated on issues and to see how you can get involved to help (that does not necessarily mean donating money!):
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/split_screen
http://www.ijm.org/
http://www.worldvision.org/
http://www.toms.com/ (yes, it CAN be as easy as buying a pair of new shoes!)
God calls us to love. God also calls us to love by serving and to help the least of these.
Luke 3:11 "John answered, 'The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.'" (I would say the majority of Americans have at least two shirts and a little bit of extra food.)
Matthew 19:21 "Jesus answered, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
And speaking of the early Jesus followers, Luke writes in Acts 2:45 "Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need."
There are so many more examples...
In the end, God calls us to help people who need it. He tells us to give to people who have less than us and if we are able to help, we MUST! I need to learn this as much as the next guy...probably more actually. But I just think it's important to remember now and then the people who are suffering all over the world every day because of large situations that a lot of people just decide to forget or shrug off as things that will always be around.

Something I Learned at 2 a.m

I found a new cool verse while reading my Bible for New Testament class. I don't like reading the Bible for class so much because it takes away from the amazing, inspiring, convicting message I usually get from it. It becomes less God's love letter to us, and more the professor's assignment for us. And who likes assignments? But, whether or not it's an assignment, it's still God's word and God was still able to speak to me (it's God; I doubt he found it difficult to do).
Anyways, here is the very cool verse I'd like to share with you. I don't think I've ever heard it before. We always here the one in James 2:17 "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead," but I like this new one as well from Galatians 5:6b "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Amen!! We go to heaven by faith alone, grace alone, Jesus alone; but what is faith without love? Certainly not the kind of faith Jesus talked about having.
Express your faith through love!
Another thought from Francis Chan...when people leave a church, they shouldn't be thinking "Wow, great music," or, "That pastor was wearing a nice tie," or, "Free donuts were a nice touch." No, they should be thinking, "Wow, I have never been in a place seeped in so much love!" People should leave Christian churches completely blown away by the amount of love in them.
Is that how America's churches are? Maybe- I hope so!
But I'm afraid a lot of them are being too distracted by business, church politics, catty drama, or other things when there are people coming into those churches who need to see and feel genuine love.

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6b

"Cannot Keep You" by Gungor

The lyrics of this song are thought provoking and beautiful. It reminds me that God is not contained by us- he's bigger than our buildings, our circumstances, our idols, our closed minds. And it's comforting to know he's out there with us when we're in the real world; when we're not being sheltered by comfortable church. Also, the community of believers is everywhere! Even if things happen and a church fails or implodes on itself the church of Christ hasn't failed! The business may be done but that community of believers has just been spread out and relocated. Being a Jesus follower has its large, LARGE share of difficulties (persecution, rejection, no earthly security, etc) but you cannot deny its freedom. You can find God in the streets and bars AND the churches.
Enjoy:) And maybe feel a little conviction just to spice things up:)


CANNOT KEEP YOU by: GUNGOR
They tried to keep you in a tent
They could not keep you in a temple
Or any of their idols, to see and understand

We cannot keep you in a church
We cannot keep you in a Bible
Oh it's just another idol to box you in

They could not keep you in their walls
We cannot keep you in ours either
For you are so much greater

Who is like the Lord
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
He lifts them from the ashes
And He seats them among princes
Who is like the Lord

We've tried to keep you in our tents
We've tried to keep you in our temples
We've worshiped all our idols
We want all that to end

So we will find you in the streets
And we will find you in the prisons
And even in our Bibles and churches

Who is like the Lord
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
He lifts them from the ashes
And He seats them among princes
Who is like the Lord

We cannot contain, cannot contain
The glory of your name
We cannot contain, cannot contain
The glory of your name

We cannot contain, cannot contain
The glory of your name

Who is like the Lord
You took me from the ashes
And you healed me from my blindness
Who is like the Lord

Loving While Hurting

Sometimes I find it hard to distinguish love and...other things. Maybe that means I'm not really feeling love. But then I also believe that maybe love is deeper than just feeling...so this leaves me confused.
Let me explain.
My dad was asked to resign from his job as a pastor a couple of weeks ago by the board of directors at my church. This past week was his last Sunday as their senior pastor. Honestly, it was like being kicked out of a family. I mean, the church is a family, it's a community, it's a body; so being told to leave hurts. I was very, very angry at the people who caused this to happen. However, last Saturday night, my mom told me to be kind and to show love to those people. Actually, I believe she phrased it "Jesus' love."
I am not sure that I did that. Maybe I did. I did not punch anyone. I did not make any snide comments. I did not call anybody out. (Earlier I had made the argument that Jesus called people out all the time, but my mom quickly told me that in that case I could let Jesus do it.) However, did I show love? I did not seek anyone out to show them that I forgave them. I did not go out of my way to be kind to anyone who I knew did not support my dad.
I think that my actions could be better defined as passive than loving.
But how could I love when I was still so hurt? What does that kind of love look like?
Ok, well while writing that, I realized what it looks like...I wish I would think of things while they were happening so that I could better live them out! I guess that's why the phrase "live and learn" exists. Anyways, here is what I think that love looks like:
"When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals- one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'" Luke 23:33-34
They didn't just fire Jesus from a job or a family- they were firing him from like, life. And he forgave them. Out loud. While dying. That is some intense stuff.
I think I have forgiven the people who hurt my father. I do not agree with them; I do not support them; but I think I have forgiven them. Jesus is bigger than my situation.
I learned this from Louie Giglio, who in turn learned it from Jesus, but: My circumstance or situation does not affect me being free and alive in Christ.
How cool is that? There is no reason for us to complain anymore. Ever. My dad lost his job? Well I'm free and alive in Christ! I'm stressed and not getting enough sleep? What does that matter when I am free and alive in Christ!
We have the freedom to love. It's not a burden, it's a gift! It's a freedom!
So this is cool. I started this post, confused on how to love someone when you were being hurt by them and Jesus has since answered my question.
Now...to live it out...