Sometimes I find it hard to distinguish love and...other things. Maybe that means I'm not really feeling love. But then I also believe that maybe love is deeper than just feeling...so this leaves me confused.
Let me explain.
My dad was asked to resign from his job as a pastor a couple of weeks ago by the board of directors at my church. This past week was his last Sunday as their senior pastor. Honestly, it was like being kicked out of a family. I mean, the church is a family, it's a community, it's a body; so being told to leave hurts. I was very, very angry at the people who caused this to happen. However, last Saturday night, my mom told me to be kind and to show love to those people. Actually, I believe she phrased it "Jesus' love."
I am not sure that I did that. Maybe I did. I did not punch anyone. I did not make any snide comments. I did not call anybody out. (Earlier I had made the argument that Jesus called people out all the time, but my mom quickly told me that in that case I could let Jesus do it.) However, did I show love? I did not seek anyone out to show them that I forgave them. I did not go out of my way to be kind to anyone who I knew did not support my dad.
I think that my actions could be better defined as passive than loving.
But how could I love when I was still so hurt? What does that kind of love look like?
Ok, well while writing that, I realized what it looks like...I wish I would think of things while they were happening so that I could better live them out! I guess that's why the phrase "live and learn" exists. Anyways, here is what I think that love looks like:
"When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals- one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'" Luke 23:33-34
They didn't just fire Jesus from a job or a family- they were firing him from like, life. And he forgave them. Out loud. While dying. That is some intense stuff.
I think I have forgiven the people who hurt my father. I do not agree with them; I do not support them; but I think I have forgiven them. Jesus is bigger than my situation.
I learned this from Louie Giglio, who in turn learned it from Jesus, but: My circumstance or situation does not affect me being free and alive in Christ.
How cool is that? There is no reason for us to complain anymore. Ever. My dad lost his job? Well I'm free and alive in Christ! I'm stressed and not getting enough sleep? What does that matter when I am free and alive in Christ!
We have the freedom to love. It's not a burden, it's a gift! It's a freedom!
So this is cool. I started this post, confused on how to love someone when you were being hurt by them and Jesus has since answered my question.
Now...to live it out...
"We have the freedom to love. It's not a burden, it's a gift! It's a freedom!"
ReplyDeleteWell said! Very mature way to look at the situation you're in...I'm impressed.
Also, great set-up to this blog...did you take the background photo, cause it's pretty sweet!?!
I didn't...but I wish I had!
ReplyDeleteAnd thank you :)
Emilie,
ReplyDeleteYou don't remember us, I'm sure, but me, my wife and our infant daughter were members at Messiah in Bullock Creek. On your dad's last day at Messiah he led the worship and ordained me as a pastor.
I, too, was "asked" to resign my Call at the church I served about a little over a year ago. I understand what you are going through, and really appreciate what you've written. This past year has been one of growth, good days and bad days, ups and downs, anger and tears and frustration for me and my family and we wait to see what Jesus will do next with us.
All that to say, I can appreciate where you are coming from, and want you to know that even people you don't know can relate to where you and your family are right now, and are lifting you all up in prayer. There will be good days and bad days, ups and downs, anger and frustration and tears... as well as laughter and joy in the upcoming weeks and months for you, your sisters, your mom and your dad.
I am so impressed by what you've written, and appreciate your insights and maturity. You know, your dad was a big influence on me to become a pastor (don't know if I ever told him that - shame on me). He is a good man, and his love of Jesus has touched and will continue to touch many people. It is shown in you!
Michael Stahl, Reese, Michigan
Last Sunday as your dad was preaching his last sermon to us I could clearly observe you and your family as I sat two or three rows back and to your left. I could see the pain on your face as you wiped away tears and had some idea of what you must be feeling. And after just now reading your blog entry (which I saw embedded in a FaceBook post from your dad), I know for sure what your feelings were.
ReplyDeleteFollowing Jesus is at times very painful. Sometimes he allows us to experience great pain for reasons we don’t understand as we go through the fire. Like your dad, and the pastor from Messiah Lutheran, many of us (including me) have been asked by well-meaning Christian brothers and sisters to leave a Christian serving venue which hurt a lot and can hurt again in the future if we choose to think too much about it. Seeing and comprehending the beauty of the Kingdom of God in human relationships and changed lives, even if for a brief time, has, in this world, a price to exact because the evil one hates it when this happens and tries to destroy us to the point of death. And when those of us who’ve experienced the Kingdom of God, even if briefly in this world try to express it one way or another to others, those who resist who often "knowing not what they do”, misunderstand our loving intent and react negatively to what they see as a threat to the status quo—which of course it is.
My limited experience tells me that when the Kingdom of God breaks out and we really start loving others radically, it cannot be contained on this earth—thus we must one day go to heaven to experience it in its fullness without the constraints of human sinfulness. Even in new-testament times in Acts, outbreaks of the Kingdom are short-lived. But that doesn’t mean that we shouldn’t try as His servants to radically love—in fact, quite the opposite is true!
So do not give up Emilie (I know you won't!), and take heart for Jesus has overcome the world. You have not been kicked out of the family (even though it feels like it right now) but rather, as your dad says, only “repositioned”. All of us at Gloria Dei still dearly love you and your family and are so sorry to see y’all leave.
But… a few of us plan to join in on the adventure upon which your family has embarked!
So stay tuned...You may not have seen the last of some of us yet!
Your neighbor and brother in Jesus,
-David Fletcher, Westover Park, League City, TX