Some Thoughts on a Sunday Evening

Number one: I suck. As I was writing this the first time a nice man came up to me and was talking to me and I apparently looked annoyed because he told my sister that he thought he struck a nerve. How's that for loving radically? I'm disgusted with myself. Please, no one be like me.
But onto what I was writing before my computer freaked out.

I am not so um...confident as to think anyone wants to read my thoughts, but I like to get them out somewhere so that I don't forget them and who knows, maybe someone likes or benefits from them. I don't know. But I put too much on Facebook as it is, so this is where they'll go. :)

First of all, at Ecclesia tonight I was reminded that when you love someone you are opening yourself up to be hurt. That's a part of the process of loving. That's why some people choose not to love. Personally, I freaking hate getting hurt. I start, like, obsessing over the past and the fact that I'm hurt. It's not a pretty picture and I don't enjoy one bit of it - just being honest. However, I would never give up on love completely just because I was afraid of getting hurt. That would suck. So I will love and get hurt and God will repair me and maybe one day I will stop being hurt so badly.
On that note though, I think I've been going about "love" in the wrong way. (I'm not talking radical love here, I'm talking the mushy gushy kind that I love so dearly:)) But here's the deal. I realized tonight in church (honestly, I'm not even sure what the central theme of the sermon was but my brain goes on these crazy tangents and I just roll with it) that God needs to be my all in all. GOD needs to be my everything. GOD needs to be the "wind in my sails" and the reason that I live. GOD needs to be all I need. GOD needs to complete me. Not some guy. I don't admit to myself or anyone else that I do this because I find it pathetic and contradictory to everything that I say I believe in, but I think that I often times want a boy to complete me. When God becomes my focus, when God is the reason that I live, when GOD completes me...then and only then will I be able to find a guy who can make me happy. He won't need to complete me- gosh, no human can do that! I can't expect a guy to waltz in and make my life worth living. Talk about a tall order.
But God can. He created me and He's lived with me and in me since then. He knows me better than I know myself - HE can make my life worth living. Then as an added bonus maybe He'll choose to bless my life with a guy who can love Jesus with me. And through Jesus love me. But we won't complete each other... Maybe I'm completely wrong with these thoughts but I don't know. I think I'm at least a little right at least lol. I'm right that God needs to be the reason that I live at least. He needs to be the center. No one can argue that. Or they can, but they'll be wrong so....

I'll leave you with an amazing line that we sang in church tonight by the fantastic Derek Webb and sung by this girl with the prettiest voice ever- I don't know her name but I certainly wish I did because I would force her to be my best friend and teach me everything she knows. But here's the lyric:
I've traded naked and unashamed
For a better place to hide
For a righteous mask, a suit of fig leaves and lies.

Then also these by some other guy, I'm not sure; but they're good:
Be the fire in my heart
Be the wind in these sails
Be the reason that I live, Jesus

Simple but oh, so true. :)

Easter!!

 Jesus showed his true love to us by going to the cross even though he was powerful enough to say no if he wanted to. All of his followers left him but he still went. Jesus' love for them did not depend on their love for him. He loved them simply because he loved them; and since he loved them (and everybody else) he went to the cross.
When the guards came to arrest Jesus in the garden, all of his disciples fled, but Mark 14:51-52 adds this, "And a certain young man followed with him, having a linen cloth cast about him, over his naked body: and they lay hold on him; but he left the linen cloth, and fled naked." Historically, people think that this young man was Mark. It's like he was taking the opportunity to confess to fleeing from Jesus too, instead of just talking about the disciples' mistakes. It's kind of random, but I just think that's really cool.
By the way, Jesus rose again so he is alive now. :)
Here's an awesome video to watch. It made me really proud to follow Jesus. And it gave me goosebumps :) Please check it out!
http://www.worshiphousemedia.com/

Living Simply

I went to a Gungor concert last night. Before the concert, there was a video promoting a cause that builds schools in Africa. It was cool and everything but one line stuck out to me in particular. It said, "Live simply so that others may simply live." I thought that was phrased really well. If only I'd thought of that lol. But it's true. If we just gave a little of what we had to the people around the world...it'd make a big difference.
During one of the main events at Passion conference, Louie Giglio asked us all to give just one dollar to a cause that sends Bibles to people who haven't ever read one before in other countries. We each gave one dollar (or some people gave a few more) but we ended up raising over $22,000 for the cause! That's a huge number. And that's just giving a dollar. If we actually cut back on frills and things and "lived simply" instead of just giving a dollar...wow. That could change the world. I'm not good at that yet. I like eating out. I like coffee shops. I like new clothes. I like going to Gungor concerts. However, I think it's important that I start living in moderation so that my money can be used for more important and lasting things.
"Live simply so that others can simply live."
Here's some Gungor to enjoy:)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-WybvhRu9KU

On a Big Scale

As this blog has stated before, I have been trying to work on more actively loving people- like consciously trying to live a life enveloped in love. Maybe this should not have to be a conscious thing; maybe if the Holy Spirit is in my heart and Jesus is guiding my life I should just naturally gravitate towards love. I do feel like this is the case on some level, but for me at least, I need to actually move loving to the forefront of my brain in order to do it in a bigger way.
I don't feel like my life has radically changed for the better since starting this blog, and that saddens me. I know it's a process and no one can be perfect, but I guess I was hoping for more change. Some people still annoy me; I still say certain things that I shouldn't; I still put my needs and wants first in virtually every situation. So what's the deal?
I don't know but I am going soak this in prayer and ask for help from God because I really do want his love to determine how I live my life.
Now to what I actually wanted to talk about: bigger issues. Since the Passion 2011 conference my eyes have been opened to the horrible conditions of people around the world and the complete comfort and wealth that we have in America. I used to be aware of these things but pass them off as big issues that were just always going to be there. "I want world hunger to end!" *rolls eyes* Ok Miss America...
But the fact is, horrible things are going on and they are not big broad issues. They are affecting individual lives and individual people, children of God are hurting- badly. So I did a speech a few weeks ago so that I could have incentive to find ways to help and I did! Here are a few websites to just get educated on issues and to see how you can get involved to help (that does not necessarily mean donating money!):
http://www.invisiblechildren.com/split_screen
http://www.ijm.org/
http://www.worldvision.org/
http://www.toms.com/ (yes, it CAN be as easy as buying a pair of new shoes!)
God calls us to love. God also calls us to love by serving and to help the least of these.
Luke 3:11 "John answered, 'The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same.'" (I would say the majority of Americans have at least two shirts and a little bit of extra food.)
Matthew 19:21 "Jesus answered, 'If you want to be perfect, go, sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.'"
And speaking of the early Jesus followers, Luke writes in Acts 2:45 "Selling their possessions and goods, they gave to anyone as he had need."
There are so many more examples...
In the end, God calls us to help people who need it. He tells us to give to people who have less than us and if we are able to help, we MUST! I need to learn this as much as the next guy...probably more actually. But I just think it's important to remember now and then the people who are suffering all over the world every day because of large situations that a lot of people just decide to forget or shrug off as things that will always be around.

Something I Learned at 2 a.m

I found a new cool verse while reading my Bible for New Testament class. I don't like reading the Bible for class so much because it takes away from the amazing, inspiring, convicting message I usually get from it. It becomes less God's love letter to us, and more the professor's assignment for us. And who likes assignments? But, whether or not it's an assignment, it's still God's word and God was still able to speak to me (it's God; I doubt he found it difficult to do).
Anyways, here is the very cool verse I'd like to share with you. I don't think I've ever heard it before. We always here the one in James 2:17 "In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead," but I like this new one as well from Galatians 5:6b "The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Amen!! We go to heaven by faith alone, grace alone, Jesus alone; but what is faith without love? Certainly not the kind of faith Jesus talked about having.
Express your faith through love!
Another thought from Francis Chan...when people leave a church, they shouldn't be thinking "Wow, great music," or, "That pastor was wearing a nice tie," or, "Free donuts were a nice touch." No, they should be thinking, "Wow, I have never been in a place seeped in so much love!" People should leave Christian churches completely blown away by the amount of love in them.
Is that how America's churches are? Maybe- I hope so!
But I'm afraid a lot of them are being too distracted by business, church politics, catty drama, or other things when there are people coming into those churches who need to see and feel genuine love.

"The only thing that counts is faith expressing itself through love." Galatians 5:6b

"Cannot Keep You" by Gungor

The lyrics of this song are thought provoking and beautiful. It reminds me that God is not contained by us- he's bigger than our buildings, our circumstances, our idols, our closed minds. And it's comforting to know he's out there with us when we're in the real world; when we're not being sheltered by comfortable church. Also, the community of believers is everywhere! Even if things happen and a church fails or implodes on itself the church of Christ hasn't failed! The business may be done but that community of believers has just been spread out and relocated. Being a Jesus follower has its large, LARGE share of difficulties (persecution, rejection, no earthly security, etc) but you cannot deny its freedom. You can find God in the streets and bars AND the churches.
Enjoy:) And maybe feel a little conviction just to spice things up:)


CANNOT KEEP YOU by: GUNGOR
They tried to keep you in a tent
They could not keep you in a temple
Or any of their idols, to see and understand

We cannot keep you in a church
We cannot keep you in a Bible
Oh it's just another idol to box you in

They could not keep you in their walls
We cannot keep you in ours either
For you are so much greater

Who is like the Lord
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
He lifts them from the ashes
And He seats them among princes
Who is like the Lord

We've tried to keep you in our tents
We've tried to keep you in our temples
We've worshiped all our idols
We want all that to end

So we will find you in the streets
And we will find you in the prisons
And even in our Bibles and churches

Who is like the Lord
The maker of the heavens
Who dwells with the poor
He lifts them from the ashes
And He seats them among princes
Who is like the Lord

We cannot contain, cannot contain
The glory of your name
We cannot contain, cannot contain
The glory of your name

We cannot contain, cannot contain
The glory of your name

Who is like the Lord
You took me from the ashes
And you healed me from my blindness
Who is like the Lord

Loving While Hurting

Sometimes I find it hard to distinguish love and...other things. Maybe that means I'm not really feeling love. But then I also believe that maybe love is deeper than just feeling...so this leaves me confused.
Let me explain.
My dad was asked to resign from his job as a pastor a couple of weeks ago by the board of directors at my church. This past week was his last Sunday as their senior pastor. Honestly, it was like being kicked out of a family. I mean, the church is a family, it's a community, it's a body; so being told to leave hurts. I was very, very angry at the people who caused this to happen. However, last Saturday night, my mom told me to be kind and to show love to those people. Actually, I believe she phrased it "Jesus' love."
I am not sure that I did that. Maybe I did. I did not punch anyone. I did not make any snide comments. I did not call anybody out. (Earlier I had made the argument that Jesus called people out all the time, but my mom quickly told me that in that case I could let Jesus do it.) However, did I show love? I did not seek anyone out to show them that I forgave them. I did not go out of my way to be kind to anyone who I knew did not support my dad.
I think that my actions could be better defined as passive than loving.
But how could I love when I was still so hurt? What does that kind of love look like?
Ok, well while writing that, I realized what it looks like...I wish I would think of things while they were happening so that I could better live them out! I guess that's why the phrase "live and learn" exists. Anyways, here is what I think that love looks like:
"When they came to the place called the Skull, there they crucified him, along with the criminals- one on his right, the other on his left. Jesus said, 'Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'" Luke 23:33-34
They didn't just fire Jesus from a job or a family- they were firing him from like, life. And he forgave them. Out loud. While dying. That is some intense stuff.
I think I have forgiven the people who hurt my father. I do not agree with them; I do not support them; but I think I have forgiven them. Jesus is bigger than my situation.
I learned this from Louie Giglio, who in turn learned it from Jesus, but: My circumstance or situation does not affect me being free and alive in Christ.
How cool is that? There is no reason for us to complain anymore. Ever. My dad lost his job? Well I'm free and alive in Christ! I'm stressed and not getting enough sleep? What does that matter when I am free and alive in Christ!
We have the freedom to love. It's not a burden, it's a gift! It's a freedom!
So this is cool. I started this post, confused on how to love someone when you were being hurt by them and Jesus has since answered my question.
Now...to live it out...

When to Love Radically

So last night two of my girl friends and I had to do some homework and so at about 10:30 pm we set off for a little cafe near downtown Austin to study and write our papers (boys were going to come but they ended up backing out at the last minute - in the meanwhile, homework had to be done!). While we were there, two older men (37 and 40) came and sat at the booth next to us and began to strike up a conversation. While generally this is not socially acceptable, I personally love it when strangers talk. It makes me feel like the world is more connected and in community than we generally think. I just believe that if we're all humans, why not all be friends instead of all of us living in our own little worlds and constantly missing the fun of the other worlds around us? I don't know if that makes sense but that is why I like it when strangers strike up conversations.
Anyways, we ended up talking to them on and off for about two hours. The subjects of conversation ranged from religion and politics to our favorite movies. The discussions/arguments were heated and opinionated and for not knowing each other, I would say it was one of the most interesting and eye opening conversations I've ever had. I was seriously surprised at how stereotypical and judgmental someone his age could be. It hurt my heart.
Now here is where the question of how to love/live radically comes up. As we were leaving, they were waiting by the side of the road for a cab. It was very cold for a night in Texas and they asked us for a ride home instead of waiting. My friends and I freaked out, said no, hopped in the car and sped away. As a young female college student, is it right for me to withhold love if it is not the safe thing to do? Or should I risk danger so that I can truly love? In this situation, I believe we did the right thing. No middle aged man in his right mind could possibly think that it is socially acceptable to ask girls our age for a ride at 2am. However, in similar situations....I do not know what the answer to this is. I feel as though I should love; but most people do not agree with that.
This is something I have a feeling I will be speculating on every time I am put in a situation where being a young woman makes me hold back Jesus' radical and gritty love...

Learning to Love

I've been thinking a lot lately about how to love like Jesus because while his love was crazy and radical and difficult, my love tends to seem lame and mediocre. Even love for him, the Creator of everything and a being actually made out of love- he literally reeks of love- is hard for me to muster up sometimes. I can never love him enough.
In "Crazy Love" Francis Chan writes, "It confuses me when loving God is hard. Shouldn't it be easy to love a God so wonderful?...It may sound 'un-Christian' to say that on some mornings I don't feel like loving God, or I just forget to. But I do. In our world, where hundreds of things distract us from God, we have to intentionally and consistently remind ourselves of Him." I wholeheartedly agree. What's the deal?! It is actually difficult for me to sincerely love my Creator and his creations.
In John 14:15 Jesus says, "If you love me, you will do what I command." That doesn't just mean not stealing and not cussing. It doesn't just mean to smile at someone who looks sad. It means disciplining, being willing to give up everything I own, and dying to myself. It means genuinely loving the person who annoys me most. It means not spending my money on things that don't matter but actually getting up off of my butt and doing what I can to stop injustice, hunger, and preventable diseases in other countries. It means picking up my cross (as David Platt puts it, my "instrument of torture") and following Jesus.
I know it's a crazy endeavor and it's going to be difficult and I may end up lonely and rejected at times, but I want to live for the Jesus who loved me enough to die a nasty, awful, painful death; and that means learning to love like him. This next passage is just the beginning of some of the stuff Jesus asks us to do. It's gonna be a crazy ride.
Matthew 25: 34-45
“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. ³⁵ For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, ³⁶ I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’    ³⁷ “Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? ³⁸ When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? ³⁹ When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
   ⁴⁰ “The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’
   ⁴¹ “Then he will say to those on his left, ‘Depart from me, you who are cursed, into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels. ⁴² For I was hungry and you gave me nothing to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, ⁴³ I was a stranger and you did not invite me in, I needed clothes and you did not clothe me, I was sick and in prison and you did not look after me.’
   ⁴⁴ “They also will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or needing clothes or sick or in prison, and did not help you?’
   ⁴⁵ “He will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did not do for one of the least of these, you did not do for me.’"